The Unspoken Words of Grief

Walking through grief is hard. It’s painful. And often times, it’s lonely.

I’ve observed that support after a loss usually comes in the first few days or weeks and then subsides.

Those of us who are grieving are told to let others know if we need anything. But the reality is, we don’t know what we need. And we don’t really know how we’re doing.

To have the energy or the capacity to think about what would be helpful and ask others for those things, is incredibly difficult. Thus it is assumed that by not asking, we’re fine. We’re good.

And from that, the feeling that we are alone. That everything is up to us. That we just need to get over the loss and move past our grief, is fueled.

It’s a vicious and toxic cycle.

So I want to share what I believe those who are experiencing grief wish they could say:

Just show up.

Just bring the meal.

Just send the card.

Just make the phone call.

You’re not imposing.

You’re not bothering us.

If we don’t want to answer the door, we won’t.

If we don’t want to take your call, we won’t.

It’s in the months following the loss that love and support is really needed.

When life returns to normal for everyone else but we’re left trying to figure out what “normal” looks like with a heart that is in pieces.

And lastly, don’t be afraid to ask the question, “How are you?”

Let us tell you we don’t want to talk about it. Because the truth is, most of the time, we actually do want to talk about it.

We’re just waiting for someone who wants to risk asking the question.

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