Sitting in my bed with tears rolling down my face, I look up at my husband and say the words, “My heart has become detached”.
As the words came out, I wondered to myself how this even happened. I talk to my Father, God, often and throughout the day. How could my heart have become detached?
The next morning, opening my journal, I gasp. What I see is not an amazing and inspiring message. No. What I see is the date of my last journal entry . . . 6 weeks earlier.
Of course my heart has become detached. Of course I am lacking in patience. Of course I am feeling confused. Unsettled. Unsure. Of course this mountain of emotion is going to come pouring out of me like a 15 foot tidal wave.
Although I may be talking to God often, I’ve been neglecting to do the next thing . . . PAUSE and LISTEN.
With so much of my world feeling uncertain and unknown, I’ve allowed myself to get ahead of God. Instead of Him leading me, I am trying to pull Him along. I want to plan. I want to control. I want the answers. And I want them now.
What will life look like next week?
Am I making the right decisions for my family?
Am I worrying enough?
Am I doing enough?
Am I praying enough?
Am I caring enough?
AM I ENOUGH?
Jesus, catch my heart. I recognize that I can have control or I can have You. And Father, I choose You. I surrender my striving and I choose to live. I give You my desire for control. I give You my desire for answers.
I give You my todays and I give You my tomorrows. I release everyone and everything to You. And before I speak another word, Father, I will PAUSE and I will LISTEN.