Roller Coaster

I’m not a fan of roller coasters. When I say roller coasters, I’m not talking about the little kid ones. roller-coasterI’m talking about the huge adult size roller coasters at Six Flags. In one word I would describe them as scary and in some cases I might even use the word stupid. I don’t see it as fun or adventurous to strap myself in a little boxcar too many feet up in the air and go flying along the tracks at who knows what speed and for added excitement do a few loops. To feel terrified, sick to my stomach and out of control is not my idea of fun or adventure. Will I ride a roller coaster? Yes. Do I find joy in it? Not so much.

It was three months ago today, my mom had an MRI revealing the devastating news that she has stage IV pancreatic cancer. It was the day the roller coaster started and it has yet to stop. The emotional ups and downs. The uncertainty and unpredictability. It is exhausting. I want off this ride. As I sat in my chair this morning with my Father, sharing my heart with Him, He asked me to look beyond the tracks. Look beyond the path and see the beauty that surrounds me. Look beside me and see who is on this ride with me. I closed my journal, put my ear buds in and began listening to the words of my new favorite song I believe my Father gifted to me in the most unusual way . . . watching the auditions of American Idol.

rise-up

Rise Up by Andra Day
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmHfo_3EGFA

You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains

And I’ll rise up
I’l rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you

When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise will take the world to its feet
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you

All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
We will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise
We’ll rise

I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
I will rise a thousand times again
And we’ll rise up
High like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we’ll do it a thousand times again
For you

As these words penetrated through to the deep places of my heart, tears rolling down my cheeks, I felt the warmth of my Father’s love in the rays of the sun coming through the window upon my face. Yes, Jesus. Yes, Father. Yes, Holy Spirit. I will rise up with You in spite of the ache. Each day I will rise up with You. I choose You, Father. I choose to ride this roller coaster, knowing I’m secure with You in the driver seat. When fear and loneliness consume me, I will turn my eyes to You and we will rise up. We will walk it out. We will move mountains. Yes, Jesus. Yes, Father. Yes Holy Spirit. I choose You.

Isaiah 26:3 NIV
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.

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